The Intersection of Dominance and Trauma

by | Oct 5, 2020 | BDSM, Mental Health, Personal Musings


This is a discussion around the literal definition of trauma as pertains to me. Bear with me.

Dominance, for me, is a kind of sincere performance. It isn’t entirely who I am as an existence, nor do I identify as dominant, but my ability to call upon it does convey its existence within me. All of BDSM is a spectrum, like most things. There was a time, however, where it was solely how I chose to identify and subsequently behave from a place fragile and toxic masculinity as well as a gross misunderstanding of BDSM as a whole.

One of the most important tools you stand the chance of gaining during your time in kink is the ability to examine kink and how it appears in your life.

  • Why do I like kink so much?
  • What series of events made it appear in my life?
  • What parallels can I draw between kink and my own existence?
  • When did this love of alt sex appear within?
  • How can I use kink to make me a better human being? •Who am I without kink? Do I lose something?

Asking and seeking answers for questions like the ones above led me to a few places. One of those places was the examination of how BDSM intersects with trauma. It was there that I began to see trauma from different perspectives as I now saw trauma itself as multifaceted.

Allow me to explain.

The kind of trauma I’m referring to is the kind that damages or causes trauma to the parts of us that create decency in human beings. It is trauma dealt by the world you exist within rather it be your home whilst growing up or otherwise.

Understand this:

  • Racists are made
  • Misogynists are made
  • Prejudice is taught

So again, if trauma is simply injury, then by that logic, I can conclude that my initial and inherently negative understanding of dominance was the result of trauma dealt to my development by the world around me.

  • Trauma dealt to how I view dominance.
  • Trauma to ideals concerning masculinity.
  • Trauma that caused me to tie dominance and masculinity together

In closing, I want you all to take time to examine what this all means to you. You may find new lessons in your inner work.

Stay kinky. Be good.

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