A healthy BDSM dynamic is the result of sincere, ethical cooperation between involved parties. Think of it as a sort of business. Businesses are similar to machines in that every internal part is necessary for operating desirably or at full capacity. More so, the aforementioned parts must be in good working condition.
Components like effective communication, ongoing consent, sizable patience and the reciprocation of energy are indispensable parts of this machine and necessary for this business to run smoothly. They are the cogs and gears that drive healthy dynamics.
Every business, however, must occasionally run what is known as inventory. It’s how business owners find discrepancies between what’s present and what isn’t. It’s how they calculate loss, shrink and profit. It’s how they determine their needs in relation to the business. It’s how they know if their endeavor is truly worth it.
You too must run inventory on your dynamic:
- Do they continuously treat you in the same way they did when they met you?
- Are there things they once did that they no longer do?
- Do you feel heard? Seen?
- Do you feel the energy you put forth being reciprocated?
- Do you feel comfortable bringing up any missing, altered or new “inventory”?
- Do you like the person you’re in a dynamic with or do you like what they can do for you?
- Are your needs, wants or desires being met or do you find yourself always fulfilling theirs?
Sometimes, when we consensually bind ourselves to others, we later find that they aren’t who they said they were, much to our dismay. This can be a painful experience for numerous reasons. Some may lament over what they feel is stupidity on their part. Many folks will simply jump ship. Others will blame themselves for how things are going. A few will make compromises that sacrifice personal happiness. Some folks will work even harder to salvage what they can in order to avoid being alone.
It’s for outcomes like these why running inventory on your dynamic and acting when necessary is so important. It’s a perpetual affirmation of self-worth and an exercise steeped in keeping your best interests at heart. You have worth. You’re worthy of being told the truth. You’re worthy of having your energy reciprocated. You’re worthy of setting boundaries for yourself. You’re worthy of separation from people who can’t see just how fucking dope and amazing you are.
You know who you are.
You know what you represent.
You know what you need.
You’re worthy of your desires without compromise.