As a willing, enthusiastic and consenting visitor to BDSM events and a participant in the countless ways to practice kink, your brain, bodily chemicals and hormones will be altered to some degree. Some, but not all of those chemicals/hormones include: endorphins, oxytocin, serotonin, cortisol and adrenaline as they are produced at levels outside of what’s “normal” for you in response to stimuli. What’s more is that the brain’s executive functioning is subject to alteration as a result. The level to which these are changed are dependent upon a number of factors. Location, types of acts being performed in scene, intensity of the event, length of the event, the relationship of participants in a scene, individual biological factors, time of day, tolerance levels of participants, number of attendees and pacing of the scene are just a few to think about.

This is what we refer to as “space”: the altered or “high” feeling that comes as a result of this cocktail of human hormones and chemicals that affect the brain, and by extension, the body from kinky stimuli. At some point, the overproduction must return to normal levels for your body. This is where “drop” occurs. Think of it as a sort of hangover. In short, “the thrill is gone.”

Drop varies from person to person but some of its most common symptoms are:
•depression
•loneliness
•worthlnessness
•lethargy
•insomnia
•melancholy
•difficulty concentrating
•hopelessness
•recklessness in trying to relive experiences
•emptiness
•loss of appetite

What’s important for you is to be ready to identify drop, ACKNOWLEDGE IT and combat it up to and including consulting a health professional. Now that you have been familiarized with drop, it’s time to discuss courses of action in order to find ways to help reduce or eliminate its effects:

•Hydrate and Eat before your scene
-Your body is put under stress during scenes. Stress can be exhausting. Your body needs fuel and hydration to function. Playing while depleted will exacerbate drop.

•Post scene follow-up
-To combat feelings like abandonment, worthlessness, loneliness and shame, establishing post scene communication for reassurance helps for some. This means actions like talking on the phone, sending email, and if possible, spending time together and more AFTER AFTERCARE. BE CAREFUL to establish clear boundaries.

•Make scenes like a steep hill
-Think of a hill. Building to a peak in a scene and slowly coming down from it may reduce drop. This is a way to let the increased bodily chemicals and hormones return more closely to original levels as it ends.

•TALK
-Unfortunately we all have that “vanilla”* friend who, upon hearing about our drop, may pass judgement, won’t understand and wouldn’t know what to say or how to comfort. Talking about feelings and emotions is an exercise in vulnerability and a way for possible comfort. Establish a support system with kink informed friends who will listen to what’s on your heart and mind. Try to make friends at event mixers or post in the event for the purpose of having an after event friend for mutual support.

•Treat Yo Self
-Do something nice for yourself! Go to a spa! Get a new article of clothing! BATH BOMBS!

•Assemble an aftercare kit
This is a kit put together with light necessities or desirables for after a scene that is easily retrievable. A kit could consist of:
-Candies. For drops in blood sugar.
-Blanket. Some folks are very cold post scene
-Stuffie or “Totem” For familiarity and comfort. (I have a totem.)
-A bottle of water for hydrating post scene

Stay kinky. Be good.

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Non-Monogamy and BDSM

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Non-monogamy, as it intersects with BDSM, is not an oft discussed topic. Discussing it, however, could mean the difference between causing others you play with emotional or even traumatic suffering. No matter what consenting individuals decide to do together, it still...

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