Cooperative Creation

by | Oct 5, 2020 | BDSM, BDSM101, Fundamentals, Negotiation, Relationships, Scenes

While many of us aren’t the biggest fans of group projects, BDSM is a place where working together isn’t only encouraged, but imperative to its very framework. Cooperative Creation is both a concept and process that observes and values the nuance of the human experience while reinforcing agency and bodily autonomy. For this reason, tools like empathy, understanding, compassion and vulnerability will serve involved parties well. 

Co-creation first requires its users to manifest space where others feel they can express their concerns, thoughts, opinions, feelings and emotions. Next, co-creation needs trust to be able to use that space. Sometimes people create space that is subsequently used to gaslight, ridicule, mock, silence or otherwise hurt others. Many of us know how that feels. You raise trust with a commitment to perpetually showing up in a positive manner for others.  Through effective communication and the belief that the contents of our hearts and minds matter, co-creation creates equity in our interactions.

That means:

  • Designing how your dynamics look and feel together
  • Catching when you’re doing most of the talking during the negotiation 
  • Creating scenes with input from all involved
  • Never letting anyone dictate how a scene will go (unless negotiated)
  • Objecting to phrases like, “I’m down for whatever.” or “I have no limits.” and other vague remarks
  • Asking for feedback during negotiation, “How do you feel about that?”
  • Listening to feedback mid-scene and being willing to adjust
  • Being open to critique for the sake of overall improvement 
  • Being malleable for the sake of compromise and/or accommodation (eg. chronic illness peeps)
  • Listening to what’s on the hearts and minds of others

Below, I want you to tell me about a scene idea you have that will require others to really work together!

Stay Kinky. Be Good. and drink some goddamn water. 😘


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