We often make ourselves and others less than the total sum of parts that comprise a human being. In this case, “parts” refers to every ingredient that makes up who we are as a person.  This includes thoughts, feelings, emotions, behaviors, ideas, reasoning, mental health, trauma and so much more. We’re taught to do this. Whether as a means to co exist with patriarchy, making a relationship work, appeasing white supremacy, or just getting through the day, shrinking oneself is not only a means of safe passage, but also of survival and appeasement. It just makes things easier in some way.

BDSM is a place where we partition ourselves and others based on what we are taught and subconsciously internalize from innumerable sources that do nothing more than scratch its vast surface. A persons potential in BDSM is only stagnated by an unwillingness to examine the entirety of who they are. It is the consideration all we are that helps form kinky identities within BDSM more closely aligned with who someone is as a person.

How could you factor in mental health, trauma, concerns, questions, emotions, thoughts and so much more if you aren’t allowing yourself access to YOU at all times? We do this in so many other areas of life as illustrated above. This is one area where you can definitely gain control of your own narrative.

•Stop engaging in kink you don’t like to make others happy.

•Stop engaging in kink you don’t enjoy because it imbues you with worth. You have worth.

•Stop agreeing to play when you don’t actually want to.

•Stop letting others, including yourself, make you feel bad for your many needs. Your needs are important.

•Make room for YOUR desires and convey them

•Stop refusing to make room in bdsm for your mental health and trauma.

•Stop being sorry for being human.

•And stop apologizing for setting boundaries.

Stay Kinky. Be Good.