Excitement is an emotion best described as a feeling of great enthusiasm or eagerness. Its something we’ve all felt. I believe this to be especially true with things, individuals and concepts people resonate with, but have little to no knowledge about. Excitement, within the context of BDSM, must be tempered as a means to perpetually keep ones own interests at heart while managing expectations. By no means am I saying don’t be excited about venturing deeper into kink. I am saying that excitement should regard both its catalyst and vessel at all times, lest it lead to recklessness.

“Frenzy” describes a state in which a person who disregards the personal physical safety, mental health, trauma, ability, needs and desires of both themselves and playmates as a means to quickly gain experience, rebound from a failed dynamic, prove their worth or please another individual(s). While appearing to be solely out of regard for someone else, frenzy is almost always self serving. More importantly, frenzy threatens personal safety as keeping everyones best interests at heart is walled off by a combination of excitement, infatuation, novelty and a cocktail of altered bodily hormones. Its a natural response to whats new and exciting, but its important one learns how to identify it.

Whether its entering into the world of BDSM or continuing ones journey, information and intentionality are indispensable tools. Intentionality is a philosophical concept that considers everything you are and aren’t before it puts it towards a purpose. That same purpose should be worked towards while cooperatively creating with those you play with. Intentionality, education and self-awareness are enemies to frenzy. How do we move in intentionality and combat frenzy?

Consider these:

-Why am I interested in BDSM?

-Am I asking questions?

-What are my personal needs outside of kink?

-What accommodations do I need for my mental health? Trauma?

-Am I making myself heard or am I being dictated to?

-Have I considered the needs of my playmate?

-Am I negotiating with others or allowing them to do what they wish?

-Where is my sense of self worth coming from?

-How much time did I spend getting to know this person before I played with them?

-Do I have a support system?

-Did I accept the first person that came along?

Notice that I didn’t specify submissive or dominant frenzy. This can occur to anyone at any point in their kink journey. Set your intentions. Co-create with others. Stay Kinky. Be Good.