by | Oct 5, 2020 | BDSM101, Fundamentals, Safety


As I’ve taught you before, some of the big reasons BDSM is so enjoyable is a result of the alteration of chemical and hormonal levels in the human body. They are altered before, during and after a scene and include ones like adrenaline, oxytocin and endorphins. The sympathetic nervous system, which activates your body’s fight or flight response can also become involved and put you under stress. (Recommended studying: Scroll below to see posts “Drop”, Drop 2, Top Space, Manipulation by Tops)

The above carries the potential to burden heavily on you spiritually, emotionally and  physically. Any combination of the stress that we consent to putting our bodies through during play, hormonal changes and neurological responses create “-space”. Many of you all are familiar with subspace and topspace.

After the “high” feeling of space, you will begin to return to homeostasis, or the state of “normalcy” for your body. This is the drop. This is also why aftercare is so important.

Aftercare is any series of actions to help piece a person back together that is discussed during negotiation to occur post scene. Some points of aftercare are absolute staples, but they are mostly defined by those who will need it. Never assume what a person needs for aftercare.

Staples of aftercare:

  • Hydration
  • Sustenance .
  • Post scene discussion

Examples of common aftercare needs:

  • Stuffie – for comfort
  • Smol blanket – for warmth as body temperature often drops after play
  • Praise – for a job well done
  • Cuddling – for validation or intimacy
  • A new rubber duck – 👀
  • Follow up emails/phone calls
  • Laughter

Be proactive about a portion or all of your aftercare and assemble an aftercare kit complete with the inanimate things you need most post scene. You know yourself and your needs better than anyone. 

Most importantly, remember that aftercare is for bottoms AND tops. Doms AND Subs.

And as always, Stay Kinky. Be Good.

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